


Of Sprites and Polaroids

by Swoon21



Category: NewS (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2016-11-17
Packaged: 2018-08-31 13:21:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8580136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swoon21/pseuds/Swoon21
Summary: The weather was sunny and warm and Shige took it as a good sign as he made his way towards the main lecture hall but apparently, that was a major miscalculation.





	1. Chapter 1

  
  


 

 

[](http://imgur.com/qmHxRdt)

**I**  


 

The weather was sunny and warm and Shige took it as a good sign as he made his way towards the main lecture hall but apparently, that was a major miscalculation as he felt a sudden pain in his forehead. “Ouch!” Shige winced and rubbed his head. He wasn’t a lucky person to begin with but today was a special case it seemed. It’s only been a few days since he arrived at the campus and he was so glad that he managed to avoid making a fool out of himself yet but apparently, today that was going to change.

“Are you alright?” He looked up to see a boy looking at him in concern. The boy was wearing a soccer uniform but his hair was quite long and wavy. He looked very young and his face was feminine but at the same time, there was an indescribable strength in his eyes. At any rate, there really was no other way to describe him other than “beautiful”. 

“Hey! Are you ok?” Shige realized he completely spaced out and the guy looked even more worried. Somehow, it made him uneasy even though he was the victim here. That’s right.

“Uh, yeah. I guess.” Great, now he sounded retarded. First impressions were never his thing. 

“I’m terribly sorry! It’s all my fault,” The young man sounded genuine. “I got too caught up in the game.” 

“Well, happens to everyone,” Shige said but he was still rubbing his forehead. 

“Does it hurt?” The boy asked and stepped closer to take a look. Shige stiffened. “You need to put ice on that. I get that a lot.”

“Ah, yeah.” Shige really wanted to form at least one coherent sentence but all eloquence seemed to leave him. Just then someone from the field shouted:

“Tegoshi! What are you doing there? We’re all waiting!”

“Just a minute!” Tegoshi took the ball off the ground and kicked it towards the field with practiced ease before turning back to Shige.

“Ah! I apologize. I’m Tegoshi Yuya,” The boy smiled and extended his hand.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Kato Shigeaki.” 

“I’m new here. It’s really no good to hit someone in your first week at college.” 

“You’re a freshman here?”

“Yeah, why?” Tegoshi looked confused.

“Ah, nothing. It’s just that you look so... young. I’m a freshman too.”

“Oh, I thought I’d hit a senpai.” Tegoshi said looking a little relieved. Shige felt like he should be offended but he wasn’t. For a few seconds neither of them said anything. 

“Um, I have to go back to practice.”

“Sure.”

“Are you gonna be ok?”

“Of course.”

“Ok then,” Tegoshi said as he stepped back. “It was nice meeting you, Kato-kun. I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah.” As Shige turned away, he knew he was done for.

 

 

A week passed but Shige hasn’t seen Tegoshi after that incident. Even as he passed the soccer field, he couldn’t spot the boy. But even if he would, it’s not like he could run into him accidentally. Unless he got hit again which was not something he wished for.

 

 

“Shige, are you alright?”

“Huh?” Apparently, he spaced out again. Koyama, his best friend and college senior looked at him sympathetically. Shige accepted his offer to hang out in the evening but even that wasn’t helping to keep his mind off things. 

“You’re acting strange lately. Are you sick?” Koyama asked and put his palm on Shige’s forehead despite being in a crowded student cafe.

“I’m fine!” Shige protested swatting Koyama’s hand away.

Then the older man’s phone rang. After a short talk, he turned to Shige looking terribly apologetic.

“Shige, sorry but I gotta go. They asked me to do a speech for tomorrow and...“

“It’s ok.”

“No, really. I dragged you out here in the first place.” Koyama looked really guilty.

“I told you it’s ok. I’ll just finish my drink and go.”

“Alright then. I’ll call you. Don’t stay up late.”

“Yes, Mum.” Shige watched Koyama leave as a small crowd of students burst into the café. Now he felt even more pathetic.

“Three beers and a cola, please.” That voice sounded familiar and as Shige turned around, he met a pair of big brown eyes. For a few seconds the eyes narrowed as the young man was searching his internal database for matches until finally they lightened in recognition.

“Oh, you’re Kato-kun, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Hi. How are you doing?”

“Pretty well, I guess. You?”

“I’m great.” 

Shige felt increasingly stupid and was sure he was making a fool out of himself yet again but thankfully, the other guy didn’t stumble.

“Hey, I never asked you what your major was.”

“Law.”

“Oh, I see. Is it fun?”

“Not really.” Shige admitted.

“Why’d you choose it then?” Tegoshi asked propping his face with his hand.

Shige hated it when people asked him that. Usually he’d answer with a standard lie that it was a prestigious job that would bring a good income or some other bullshit but today he just couldn’t bring himself to lie.

“I dunno," he sighed. “I had to choose something and Law seemed like a good option. I guess I just like saying I study Law.” Shige mentally prepared himself for the look of disappointment on the face of his companion but when he dared to look up he saw him smiling instead.

“That’s an interesting reason. I think it’s ok to be unsure. We’re only adults legally. It’s normal to be a little lost.”

At that moment, the bartender brought the drinks and Shige felt a wave of disappointment crash over him. Tegoshi must have noticed because he smiled cheekily.

“I’ll bring this to my friends there and then I’ll come back so we can talk some more, ok?” Shige just nodded.

“I’ll even leave my cola as hostage.” Tegoshi winked at him and took the beer jugs. As promised, he returned after a few minutes. 

“Missed me?” Tegoshi smiled as he sat next to Shige. It felt like they knew each other forever.

Tegoshi’s soccer friends long since left but the two of them continued to talk. About nothing. About everything. Somehow, it felt so natural and so easy. Before they knew it, it was closing time.

“I really enjoyed talking to you, Kato-kun.”

“Shige.”

“What?”

“Friends call me “Shige”. Why’d he even say it? He didn’t even like the nickname.

“Well, then. I’ll see you later, Shige.” Tegoshi smiled brilliantly as he stood up. He was about to walk away but he stopped abruptly, took out a piece of paper and a pen and scribbled something on it.

“Almost forgot.” He handed Shige the note with a number written on it sloppily.

“Here’s my number. Call me when you feel like hanging out.”

And then he was gone leaving Shige to contemplate when it would be appropriate to call because frankly he wanted to hang out right now.

 

 

They met next week and Shige tried to stand still and look casual as he waited for the young man to show up. It wasn’t like it was a date but somehow he was just as nervous.

“You look nice,” Tegoshi said approaching him.

“Thanks,” Shige answered glad that Tegoshi would never find out that he spent 2 hours trying to coordinate his outfit and pacing nervously around his room.

“So… What do you want to do?”

“Doesn’t matter,” The younger man said with a smile.

“Huh?”

“There are people who are fun to be with and there are those who I get bored with. What we do isn’t that important.”

“I see. Well, there’s a new coffee shop down the street. We could start from there.”

“Sure. Let’s go.”

 

They parted at sunset as the streets were painted orange and Shige hoped that he wasn’t wrong when he felt that the other man was just as reluctant as he was.

“Thank you. It was fun,” was all Tegoshi said.

 

 

Shige couldn’t really remember when he got interested in photography. It seemed so natural to him, wanting to capture the things he saw around him. When he entered college, he brought an old film camera. He was only learning and he’d wasted a lot of film but it was worth it. He even made an improvised dark room in his bathroom. Previously most of his photos were of landscapes but lately he kind of got into portraits.

 

 

“So, any girls that you like yet?” Koyama asked as they met during recess.

“Girls...” Shige sighed. Girls were different in college. Now that they didn’t have to wear uniform, the segregation was more apparent than ever. The popular girls hung out in small groups. They used circular lenses and lots of make-up to make their eyes look bigger, had long manicured nails decorated with tiny rhinestones and their phones had so many key straps that Shige wondered whether they could even see the display. But it wasn’t just about looks. It seemed like their emotional capacity was down to a few carefully rehearsed expressions as they put a hand to their face and widened their eyes to exclaim “No way!” or “That’s so cute!”

Most guys were crazy about them. They seemed to get mesmerized whenever one of these groups got near. But Shige wasn’t most guys. He just didn’t know what the big deal was. Or maybe it was because of the old scars? Either way, Shige much preferred to spend time with people who were earnest and easy to read. Koyama might have been a little naïve and air-headed but he was warm and caring and when he said something he meant it. 

And then there was Tegoshi. Tegoshi couldn’t think twice. If he was angry, you could tell straight away by the frown on his face and if he found something funny, he’d scrunch his nose, throw his head back and laugh with his mouth wide open. It wasn’t exactly beautiful but Shige loved it more than anything.

“Shige?” He spaced out again.

“No, I don’t like anyone yet.”

 

 

Tegoshi became popular within days it seemed. Which was natural since he was good-looking, smart, outgoing and good at sports. Girls giggled and whispered to each other when he got near and guys threw jealous looks.

Shige always felt like he was just a life’s spectator, watching from the sidelines as things happened in someone else’s lives. But now that he had Tegoshi as a friend it seemed like he wasn’t invisible anymore and people looked him in the eye more often. 

He could almost feel it, how all of these doors that were closed before were now open wide before him. Some of these doors he never even knew existed. Tegoshi was everything Shige wished to be. He could go anywhere, talk to anyone, do anything he felt like. It seemed as if for him there weren’t any boundaries.

 

 

Shige was a little nervous introducing Tegoshi to Koyama but it only took a moment to see his best friend was utterly smitten. It was somewhat endearing to watch as he unleashed all of his motherly instinct on the younger man. Tegoshi immediately dubbed him “Kei-chan” which was hardly appropriate to a senpai but Koyama seemed to love it. After that, the three of them often hung out together.

As expected, Tegoshi’s friends were mostly jocks, the kind that used to bully Shige in middle school. But since he was Tegoshi’s friend, everyone treated him well. It was a bit surreal, like stepping into a different dimension.

 

 

On Shige’s birthday, Tegoshi gave him a Polaroid camera.

“Um, thanks, but...”

“Listen, I know you like film cameras but this is different. You don’t have to worry about all that tuning – you can just capture what you see. Doesn’t matter if it comes out a bit blurred. I got one too. We can exchange our pictures later,” Tegoshi smiled softly and Shige thought he knew where to start.

 

 

Tegoshi cared about fashion. He often wore tight jeans and boots and lots of accessories. His hair was a soft perm falling down to his shoulders in golden brown waves. However, he didn’t style his eyebrows and his arms and legs were always marred with bruises and cuts from playing soccer.

Shige liked watching Tegoshi play. He never cared about soccer but this was different. Tegoshi pursued the ball as if his life depended on it. He was fast and agile and Shige couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy. Tegoshi also looked really good in his soccer uniform. And when he scored a goal he looked like he was on top of the world – breathless and sweaty and looking so happy Shige could almost see the glow radiating from him. “I wonder if that’s what he looks like when he...” Shige nearly slapped himself for that thought.

 

 

“Do you like me?”

Shige coughed on his coffee. They were sitting at a small diner facing each other talking about random things as Tegoshi asked this out of the blue.

“I... Well, yeah. You’re a good guy.”

“That’s not what I mean.” Shige felt trapped.

“Look, I... I’m not gay.”

“That’s not what I asked,” Tegoshi said without missing a beat. Shige sighed. 

“It’s not that simple.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” Shige didn’t sound convincing even to himself.

“I think it is though. You either like someone or you don’t. I like you.”

“I’m...I’m not really sure how I feel.” That seemed like a safe option.

“How are you going to find out then?”

Shige didn’t have an answer to that and he was starting to panic but it seemed for once luck was on his side. Apparently, it was closing time so they were hurried out of the diner. For awhile they just walked together in silence. In was late and the streets were empty, streetlights creating little islands of light. 

Shige thought the man let go of their previous discussion but suddenly he asked:

“So, do you want to find out?”

“What?”

“If you like me?”

“Uh, yes?” Shige cursed inwardly for making it sound like a question.

“Ok,” was all Tegoshi said as he grabbed Shige’s arm and dragged him off the road, where the light didn’t reach. Before Shige could understand what was happening he was pressed against a wall and his lips were captured in a kiss. It was a small kiss that only lasted a few seconds but Shige felt his heart swell a little.

“So?” Tegoshi asked like it all was a normal thing to do.

“I...” 

“Not enough? Fine.” And in a moment there was a second kiss. It lasted a few seconds longer and Tegoshi moved his lips a little. Shige still couldn’t utter a word.

“Ok, that’s the end of free trial.” Tegoshi grinned at him before adding “Call me when you make up your mind.” With that, the young man hopped away leaving Shige dazed and weak in the knees. 

 

 

Shige was sitting on a bench in the small park just outside the campus. Somehow, a week passed and he hasn’t seen Tegoshi once. He told himself that the campus was big and it was normal not to see each other for awhile, but in the end he knew it was bullshit. 

“If you don’t want me you can just tell me, you know.” Shige was startled by the familiar voice.

“Tegoshi...”

“You can’t avoid me till graduation.” Tegoshi sat next to him but he wasn’t looking at Shige. The young man looked more serious than Shige has ever seen him and somehow it made him feel guilty.

“I wasn’t going to. I’m sorry. I just needed time to think.”

“What is there to think about?” Tegoshi actually sounded a little angry. “Either you want me or not.”

“It’s not that simple. I...” Shige took a breath. He was really bad at his but Tegoshi deserved some honesty. “I do like you, ok? I just don’t think this will work out.” Tegoshi looked at him as if he said complete nonsense.

“How can you say something like that without trying?”

“I just don’t want to ruin it. Don’t want us to get hurt.” Tegoshi moved closer and looked at Shige in a way that made him feel naked.

“You can’t live your life without hurting people and getting hurt. If you avoid it all the time you can never be happy.”

“Now I can’t decide if I want you or to be you.” It was only half a joke but it made Tegoshi smile a little. For a minute, they sat in comfortable silence.

“I... I think I want to try,” Shige said fully meeting his gaze.

“Good.” Tegoshi’s face lit up and Shige realized how much he missed it.

 

[](http://imgur.com/seD2506)


	2. Chapter 2

**II**  


 

Being with Tegoshi was an adventure in itself. He was impulsive and unpredictable. One time he called at 3 AM and said he wanted to see the sunrise. Shige had to dress haphazardly and sneak from the dorm. They took the night train and had to walk a few miles to get to the beach. It was dark and cold and Shige thought nobody in their sane mind would do that but they were just two kids looking for adventures. They made out and fooled around until the sun rose painting the beach orange. Then they just sat in silence holding hands. As Shige saw the rising sun reflected in the warm playful eyes he understood what people meant when they said “I want to stop time”. He felt like all of the things that he only read about in books or saw in the movies were now happening to him. And then Tegoshi was standing up and taking his clothes off hastily. As he dashed into the sea completely naked, there was nothing else for Shige to do but follow him. 

Tegoshi had sand in his hair but he didn’t care peacefully asleep on Shige’s shoulder as they rode the train back. It was the craziest and most amazing morning in his life.

 

 

Shige has been contemplating about renting an apartment since long ago and his parents even agreed to help pay for it but he didn’t want to put any more strain on them. What was even worse, it meant having to talk to people, even bargain and that was one of his worst nightmares. But recently he began to consider it once again. He’d lost count of the times Koyama told him to “get a room” but he made up his mind after that time Tegoshi’s roommate walked in on them. 

“He used to scold me all the time for leaving the bathroom messy but now he won’t even look at me,” Tegoshi grinned clearly amused. Shige kind of felt sorry for the guy but he was also glad because now he was standing in his very own apartment. It was tiny and crumpled but close to the campus and the privacy was something of a luxury after the dorm. Of course, it wouldn’t be possible without his special ally who was now smiling sweetly at the landlady.

“Of course I’ll give you a discount, boys.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Yamada. You’re too kind.”

“Oh, please. Call me Keiko,” The woman smiled coyly as if she just turned 18.

As the door closed behind them, Shige looked back at his new home. It wasn’t much but with a little effort, it could be pretty cozy. His thoughts were interrupted suddenly as Tegoshi leaped onto the bed shouting “All aboard!”. This was going to be fun.

 

 

“You haven’t done it yet, have you?” Tegoshi asked suddenly. Shige looked up from his Law book confused.

“What?”

“Sex.” Shige knew he was blushing already. He didn’t even think he ever said the word out loud.

“Why do you say that?”

“I can tell.” 

“No… I haven’t.” It was pointless to lie and frankly he didn’t want to.

Tegoshi sat next to him and took his hand.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Actually, I respect that. It means you don’t want to do it with just anyone.”

“I almost did it once.”

“What happened?” Shige closed his eyes for a moment.

“I was going out with this girl in high school. I really liked her and it seemed to go well. We agreed to do it together. That day her parents weren’t home and we were making out on her bed. I was undressing her and all seemed to be well but then suddenly she freaked out and kept telling me to stop. So I did,” Tegoshi listened carefully. “She asked me to leave. I felt so guilty even though I didn’t do anything wrong. Soon after, she broke up with me. Then… there were rumours that… that I wasn’t man enough. People whispered behind my back, laughed at me.”

“Shige” Tegoshi gently turned his face to meet his eyes. “You know this is bullshit, right? You did the right thing. Screw them. They’re just jerks. It doesn’t matter now. None of that matters now.”

The boy leaned in, pressed his lips against Shige’s. They kissed slowly and Shige felt like he was falling and he never wanted to stop.

“You can do it with me,” the smaller man breathed in his ear sending shivers down his spine.

“O-Ok” Shige stuttered a little. “But not right now.” Tegoshi just smiled and nodded.

 

 

When they did do it there were no candles or rose petals. They didn’t dress up either because, as Tegoshi said “it was going to come off anyway.” Shige was still nervous though and the younger man must have felt it.

“Relax, this isn’t an exam,” Tegoshi said with a smile between kisses. “Just do what feels good.” So Shige did. He knew he was bad at this but he really wanted to make it good. He watched his lover’s reaction, tried to do all the things that felt good when he did it to himself. It was awkward and sloppy but so so good.

When it was over, he turned to look at Tegoshi. The young’s man’s face was all sweaty and flushed, his hair messy with strands sticking to his forehead. He was laughing soundlessly and Shige thought that he’d never seen anything more beautiful. 

It was a bit later, as they cuddled together simply enjoying each other’s warmth when Tegoshi spoke.

“B +”

“What?”

“You get a B+.” Shige’s face must have looked so incredulous that Tegoshi laughed.

“If I give you an ‘A’ you won’t have any motivation to work harder.” Tegoshi’s eyes looked mischievous and Shige leaned in to kiss that smirk off his face. “That’s the spirit.”

 

 

There were rumours. This wasn’t high school so nobody picked on you directly but Shige knew people were talking behind their backs. He didn’t know how it started. Maybe someone saw them kissing that time in the library or maybe it was the way Tegoshi looked at him, he wasn’t sure. Either way, he didn’t really care. They had each other and there was Koyama and a few close friends and for now that was more than enough.

 

“Te… Yuya?” He still couldn’t get used to using the man’s first name but he liked saying it.

“Hmm?”

“Have you ever wondered if what we’re doing is wrong?” Shige asked as they were lying on the hill overlooking the river. Tegoshi looked at him for a second then asked:

“Does it feel wrong?”

“No.”

“Then it’s not.”

Tegoshi made everything sound so simple. Shige wished he could do the same. For a while, he didn’t say anything not wanting to ruin the moment. But he couldn’t help it; there were so many questions in his head.

“Why are you with me?” 

“What?” Tegoshi frowned.

“Why are you with me?”

“What do you expect to hear?”

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking.”

“Everyone expects something,” Tegoshi countered and Shige wondered how this young man had an answer to everything. “I could say I’m with you because you’re handsome, smart and funny. Because you’re nice and well-mannered. Because you’re honest and loyal. It wouldn’t be a lie but… That’s not the real reason either.” Tegoshi kept looking up to the sky and Shige waited. “I believe that if you can tell the exact reason you like someone then it’s pointless. None of the things that matter can be put into words.”

“Where do you even get these ideas?”

“Not all ideas are written in the books, you know.” Tegoshi smiled mysteriously and for a moment Shige thought he saw inexplicable sadness in his eyes but then the man leaned in to kiss him and there was no need to think anymore.

 

 

It was summer now and Tegoshi’s hair grew longer so he would sometimes put it into a small ponytail which made him took even more feminine than usual. When he smiled mischievously, he looked like some kind of forest sprite rather than a boy. 

“Are you even real?” Shige asked once as they were hanging out at his place.

“Huh?” Tegoshi looked at him adorably puzzled.

“Just... sometimes it almost seems like I dreamed you.”

“Giving yourself too much credit, Kato,” Tegoshi said but he was clearly amused.

“I feel like I’m keeping you indoors all the time and you don’t belong here.”

“You’ve been reading too many fantasy books,” Tegoshi laughed and scooted closer. “I’m not going to melt. I am real. Want to know how real I am?” 

Shige took him on the offer and made sure to touch every part of the younger man’s body. Tracing the shell of his ear, high cheekbones and delicate lips, running his hands along his arms, marveling at the small hands, going back up only to press his palms against the heaving chest and the hard planes of stomach, circling the navel gently, going lower still. There was no lust involved, just sensual exploration. It was so strange, Shige thought, how he used to fantasize about girls with curvy pliant bodies and big breasts. Tegoshi’s body was small and adolescent-like, all sharp bones and taut muscles but right now he couldn't even imagine wanting to touch anyone else.

A sharp intake of breath interrupted his train of thought and he looked up to meet soft brown eyes looking at him with adoration. Then Tegoshi reached out to bring him closer, press their lips together gently. If this was a dream, Shige thought, he never wanted to wake up.

 

 

It’s been a long time since Shige came home. It was strange how everything in this house looked exactly the same whenever he visited as if time lost its power here but he found it really comforting. So many things were changing too fast. 

“Mum?”

“Yes, dear?”

“Have you been in love? I mean, before Dad?”

“Why are you asking all of a sudden? Did you finally get a girlfriend?” Mrs. Kato looked at her son with a scrutinizing gaze that made Shige feel like she’s looking right through him.

“Um, no. I’m... Just curious.” 

“Well, there was this boy I used to go out with in high school.” Mrs Kato’s gaze softened as she looked into the distance. “He was really sweet. He’d always wait for me after school. Bought me little gifts. Neither of us had money but he always came up with something. We were so in love. We even talked about running away together.”

“What happened?”

“Life, I guess.” The woman looked down to the floor now as if finally coming back to earth. ”When you’re 18 you think you know everything but it’s not like that at all. Feelings alone aren’t enough. But, you know,” Mrs Kato looked back at her son with a gentle smile “You never forget your first love. I’m glad that I can have that kind of memory.”

 

 

The weather was perfect but there was no time to relax. Shige was sitting at his desk staring blankly at the half-written essay that was due the next day. 

“You should take a break already. You haven’t written a word in the last 10 minutes.” Tegoshi’s voice said from behind him.

“I’m thinking.”

“You’re thinking too much. Your brain needs to rest.”

“You say that as if I can help it.”

“Hmm. I guess I have to help then.”

“As if… “ but Shige’s argument was lost as Tegoshi got into his lap and he was kissed like there’s no tomorrow.

“This is harassment…” Shige said as the man began unbuttoning his shirt.

“Want me to stop?”

“No..."

 

 

The sex was amazing. With Tegoshi it wasn’t some kind of ritual, it just happened naturally and the best thing was Shige knew the other man wanted it just as much. Tegoshi preferred to do it during the day. “I don’t know why people do it at night,” he said once. “It’s as if it’s something they are ashamed of, that they want to hide.” Tegoshi also didn’t bother to get dressed afterwards unless it was necessary. He felt perfectly comfortable strolling around in all his naked glory.

“But it’s hot!” he would argue whenever Shige tried to tell him to put something on.

 

 

“I like hanging out like this but you really need to go out more.”

“Not you too!” Shige scowled. Tegoshi came up to him from behind embracing him softly and putting his chin on his shoulder.

“I know. When we go out together, I always feel like I have to be careful. Don’t get too close. Don’t touch you. I hate it,” Tegoshi sighed. “But I’m not saying we go to a public beach. We can come up with something to make it really fun.”

“What do you have in mind?”

 

 

“There!” Tegoshi commanded and Koyama stopped the car where the younger man pointed. It was a perfect spot indeed. A long stripe of sandy beach stretched for miles and not a soul was around. As soon as they got out of the car, Tegoshi dashed towards the sea. Shige and Koyama spread the cloth and began to unload the food boxes.

“It’s cold!“ Tegoshi was back with a disappointed face. Looking at him Shige couldn’t help but laugh.

“You look like a 3-year old.”

“But I wanted to swim,” Tegoshi pouted but he was then ushered on the blanket by Koyama and received a bento box. They ate and talked and laughed and it felt good. Now, sitting like this with his two closest friends, Shige thought it almost felt normal, as if they were just regular kids enjoying the last weekend of a passing summer.

When they were all full, Shige took his guitar and began to strum. Soon Tegoshi joined him singing along softly. 

 

“Tegoshi, you’re so good!” Koyama exclaimed looking really impressed and Shige felt so peaceful he didn’t even had it in him to complain that nobody complimented his guitar skills. Then Tegoshi got restless just sitting so he jumped to his feet dragging Koyama along with him.

Watching the two men running along the shore, splashing water at each other and laughing like little kids suddenly Shige felt a surge of inexplicable fear. He could not rationalize it but at that moment it felt like this was as good as life can get. 

 

The ride back was silent. Tegoshi had his head on Shige’s shoulder, exhausted after spending so much energy. 

“Is something wrong?” the younger man asked quietly. Even now, tired and sleepy he was good at reading emotions.

“Of course not,” Shige replied entwining their fingers and smiling weakly. “Sleep. I’ll wake you up when we’re there.”

“Ok” Tegoshi said drifting off instantly.

 

 

[](http://imgur.com/pKwc9nh)


	3. Chapter 3

**III**  


 

“Are you even listening to me? Shige!” Koyama was looking at him more concerned than annoyed. This was getting old.

“Sorry.”

“Is something wrong?”

“No. I mean, not really.” Koyama seemed confused but waited for him to continue.

“I don’t even know.” Shige sighed exasperated. “Everything seems to be going well. Great, actually. But I feel so restless lately.”

“Aren’t you happy?”

“I am but... It still feels surreal. Like I’m in a movie or something.”

“Is this why you still haven’t invited him to live with you?” Shige looked up instantly but he didn’t know what to say so the older man continued. “I honestly don’t know what you’re waiting for. You should have done that right away. He spends more time at your place than the dorm anyway. If it doesn’t work out it’s better to know sooner than later, right?” Shige remained silent and looked so lost that Koyama had to take pity on him.

“Shige, I’ve known you for years but I’ve never seen you so happy. If something makes you happy, you should hold on to it. Even if it’s not the kind of happy you expected, not what you were taught to expect.”

Shige sometimes had to wonder how he and Koyama became best friends in the first place. They were so different. He was the quiet and rational one and Koyama was emotional and sociable. Then again, maybe that’s why they worked so well. 

“Just ask him. I’m sure he’s waiting.” Koyama smiled warmly and Shige felt he was ready for a leap of faith.

 

 

Tegoshi had an evening match. A pretty important one too so Shige felt terrible seeing how disappointed the man looked when he told him he couldn’t come because he had some urgent assignment. He had to tell himself it was for the best as he began to do preparations. Shige wasn’t sure what a romantic evening should look like. Tegoshi surely wasn’t the flowers and candy type of guy. In the end, he opted for a candle-lit dinner. Cooking was one of the few things he was confident in.

Tegoshi was late and Shige began to get anxious. Just as he was about to call the doorbell rang. 

"Sorry, something came up, I couldn't make it earlier."

"It's ok, come on in." As Tegoshi took off his shoes and stepped into the small kitchen he stopped abruptly greeted by the sight of about a dozen candles scattered around the room and a bottle of wine sitting on the table. Tegoshi's mouth fell open. Truthfully, Shige didn’t expect him to be this surprised. 

“How did you know?" the man finally said turning to Shige. "I was going to tell you myself but I... This is... Thank you.” The young man was wiping the corners of his eyes discreetly failing to notice Shige’s confusion.

“Actually...” For a moment Shige thought about admitting there was probably some sort of misunderstanding but he hated being the ignorant one. “Actually, I don’t know the details and I was hoping you’d tell me.”

“Yes. Of course.” Tegoshi smiled weakly. 

“You must be hungry. Let’s talk over dinner.”

 

It was very quiet in the room as Tegoshi seemed to gather his thoughts. 

“When I entered this college I instantly applied for a scholarship. It’s a university in Spain and they have a soccer training program. It was before we met and the chances were slim so I almost forgot about it.” Tegoshi sighed. “Until now.”

“So what happened?”

“I heard they picked someone else but today after a game I was approached by our coach and there was this other foreigner guy. He said he saw me play and he was very impressed so he offered to grant me another scholarship.”

“Oh.” Shige said hoping his face did not reflect how terrified he suddenly felt.“How long?”

“Six months. For now. I mean, that’s what they told me.” It felt like there was more to it, something Tegoshi wasn’t telling him. Yet, right now Shige didn’t want to know, wasn’t ready for it.

“So... you’re going, right?”

“Yes. They said I need to decide as soon as possible since the school year there already started.”

“I see.”

“It’s my dream, you know.” Tegoshi said after a pause. Shige just nodded.

“Are you angry with me?”

“What? No, of course not. It’s important to you.” Shige felt his words didn’t sound sincere, like they were script from a book on how to be a good boyfriend. He wanted to mean it, he really did but he just couldn’t.

“You’re important to me too.” Tegoshi said quietly. 

_“But not enough”_ Shige thought. He didn’t say it though, opting for a smile no matter how fake it looked.

“The dinner was great. Thank you.” The man was clearly trying to change the topic.

“When do you leave?”

“Uh, the school year already started so I’m going to miss some lectures but...”

“When?” Shige’s voice came out louder than he intended but he did not feel like apologizing.

“In a week.” 

Shige closed his eyes. His head was spinning.

 

 

Shige expected the week to flow by fast. However, it dragged slowly, almost painfully so. Tegoshi said they should make the most of it but no matter what they did, he couldn’t shake off the impending feeling of dread. There was a tightness in his chest that just wouldn't go away.

“Six months isn’t that long, really,” Tegoshi said as they sat on a bench in the park. “I mean we met six months ago and it feels like it happened last month.”

“Time flows differently when you’re having fun,” Shige replied. A part of him wished for the week to just be over.

 

 

Shige took pictures haphazardly in a weak attempt to grab something that was slipping away but the photographs looked different, melancholic somehow. It wasn't even the parting itself that scared him, he didn't fully comprehend it yet, it was the awkwardness that suddenly appeared between them. They didn't speak much and Tegoshi would often just cling to him like a cat. It seemed like he felt guilty and didn't know what else to do.

 

Shige knew Tegoshi had a soccer practice and he surely remembered about it if the way he kept fidgeting and looking at the clock was any indication. Shige tried to be selfish and pretend he didn’t notice but in the end, his guilty conscience didn’t let him.

“You should go.”

“It’s ok.”

“No, it’s not. They’re your friends and I can see you want to go. You don’t have to spend every minute with me. I’ll be fine.” There was a moment of silence, which Shige interpreted as a brief internal struggle.

“I’ll be back right after practice,” Tegoshi said kissing his cheek before heading out. The apartment fell quiet and Shige shivered from the thought that soon it will always be like this.

 

 

“Again.” This time there were candles painting the room in amber hues and accentuating the sharp features of the young man in Shige’s bed. The flight was due next morning.

“Now?“ Shige was breathing hard his body still tingling.

“Of course now.” Tegoshi was lying on his back with his arms thrown over his head. His body was covered in a sheen of sweat and looked like it was sparkling.

“It’s almost morning. You should get some sleep.” Shige tried his best not to look at the suitcases by the door. 

“Sleep is overrated. I can sleep on the plane.” Tegoshi’s smile was gentle and a little sad.

“Ok.” Shige whispered breathlessly moving closer.

“Touch me. Make me feel good. Make me remember it.” The young man's eyes looked almost black and hypnotic. For a moment, Shige thought that right now he would probably agree to a murder if Tegoshi asked him to. 

Once again, their bodies clashed and suddenly Shige felt overcome by a surge of possessiveness, grabbing those delicious thighs harder and biting into the soft flesh of Tegoshi's shoulder. This wasn't like him but tonight he wanted to claim this body, even if only for a brief moment, mark it as his, and it seemed like Tegoshi wouldn't have it any other way. It felt like the last night on Earth. Shige caught himself thinking he wouldn’t mind if it were.

It all was going too fast but neither of them could help it. The kisses were messy as their bodies moved erratically. For a moment, Shige thought it was impossible to feel so much. Not just with his body, his chest felt so full like it was going to burst.

“Yuya, I...”

“Please don’t.” Tegoshi said breathless and it all went black.

 

Shige fought sleep for as long as he could even after Tegoshi fell into a deep slumber on his chest since he knew he'd wake up in the day he never wanted to come.

 

 

They agreed that it would be better if they part here, not the airport. Well, more like Tegoshi insisted on it and he had to agree. At any rate, now they were standing next to the door facing each other and all the words that kept spinning in Shige’s head last night seemed shallow and pointless. 

“Listen, I...” the young man stopped him with a gesture as he took a step forward.

"Let’s not make any claims. You can’t promise me anything even if you mean it. So please, let's not say something we both might regret, ok?” Shige didn't trust his voice so he just nodded. “Thank you for everything.” The kiss tasted bitter.

“Let me help you with those bags.” Shige's voice sounded desperate even to himself.

“It’s ok. They’re not that heavy. I can manage,” Tegoshi said as he grabbed the suitcases. "I'll call you when I get there." The man gave him a weak smile and walked out the door without looking back.

 

[](http://imgur.com/UUZ6qnT)


	4. Chapter 4

IV

 

And so he was gone. It was amazing, Shige thought, how everything was the same but different. The lectures were just as boring, the students discussed the same rumours and he still couldn't function in the morning without a cup of black coffee. But even though it was autumn and the campus was now painted in red and yellow, Shige didn't feel like taking any pictures. It was kind of like watching a movie without sound. Sometimes when he saw something remarkable or amusing he would reach out with his left hand, like he always did to get the young man’s attention, but his hand just slipped through the air leaving him feeling perplexed and frustrated.

It took a week for Tegoshi to call. He apologized saying there was some problem with local operators and Shige said it’s ok despite the fact he was beginning to go crazy never letting go of his phone even in his sleep.

“I miss you” Tegoshi said and Shige had to tell himself the only reason he sounded distant was because he was thousands of miles away.

At first, they talked every other day. Actually, it was mostly Tegoshi that talked. He gave detailed accounts of what he did and what he ate and who he met. Shige didn’t really understand half of it but he didn’t mind at all. The young man sounded so happy every time he called that Shige felt a strange mix of joy and bitterness. Soon the calls got less frequent, twice a week at best. It was partly due to time difference and Tegoshi having a lot to catch up with but Shige knew it was just life taking its course.

 

 

The apartment was now too quiet for Shige's liking. He even toyed with the idea of coming back to the dorm but he soon decided against it. He's grown attached to it and he wanted to have a place Tegoshi could come back to. That's what he told himself. It was hard though. Everything here reminded him of the younger man. He hated to feel needy and refused to succumb to this melancholy so he took all the photos away. It didn't really help but at least it gave him some semblance of control.

 

 

“Are you alright? You sound strange.” Hearing Tegoshi’s voice made his heart race and Shige cursed himself for his weakness.

“I’m fine.”

“Really?" Tegoshi almost sounded surprised.

“Of course. I’m just, you know, concentrating on my studies.”

“Of course. I’m glad.”

The truth was Shige wasn't even sure what to talk about anymore. Tegoshi met famous players and visited amazing places and it felt so stupid to talk about his small boring life. Once again, he began to wonder what drew Tegoshi to him in the first place.

 

 

After that talk Shige decided he might as well really concentrate on his studies. He's always been a good student but lately he didn't bother putting more effort than necessary so he thought it was time to change that. For a while it worked. He burrowed himself in law books, did his research and got full marks for several assignments. It felt good. The feeling of intellectual superiority was the only vice he didn't try to fight. However, it got old soon enough. At some point, he felt he was wasting his time on something he didn't enjoy so he stopped caring. 

 

 

“That kid, Tegoshi? I heard his father left because he was gay.” Shige stilled for a moment, then moved closer slowly trying to catch more of the conversation.

“I heard he was expelled from school because he fought with someone.”

Shige clenched his fists. For a moment, he wanted to confront the gossipers, to tell them to shut the fuck up except... What would he say to them? That they were wrong? That they shouldn’t spread lies? He didn’t even know that for sure. In fact, he didn’t know much. Tegoshi never talked about his family, his school life or previous relationships. Then again, he never asked. Why? Maybe because he didn’t really want to know, because he was afraid of shattering the perfect image he’d created himself. Maybe he was deceiving himself intentionally all this time. Shige’s head was spinning and he felt like something inside him was crumbling. But the thing that hurt the most was that he began to think that perhaps he never really knew Tegoshi.

 

 

Lying on his bed with his eyes closed it wasn't all that hard. He could almost hear the bed squeak under the added weight, feel the mattress shake as his lover crawled towards him like a cat finally straddling his hips. Shige got so good at this he almost convinced himself that if he opened his eyes right now he'd see that satisfied smirk and the big eyes dark with lust. The young man would always make sure he's watching before grabbing the hem of his T-shirt and slowly pulling it over his head. He threw it aside without looking where it landed and then shook his head to get the hair out of his eyes. It was a simple gesture but it looked incredibly sexy. Tegoshi knew exactly what he was doing and Shige could already feel himself getting hard. The young man would then lean forward and give him a kiss, a soft and teasing one that would only serve to undo him further. Tegoshi unbuttoned his shirt running his hand down his chest and stomach. Shige shuddered. He remembered it all, the way his lover stroked him through his jeans and then undoing them to slip his hand inside. "So good..." he groaned and he could almost hear Tegoshi laugh softly. Shige could already feel the heat pooling in his groin as he was stroked faster. His breathing was ragged as he knew he was close. "Yuuya..." Shige whispered and a moment later he came. Catching his breath, he slowly opened his eyes. The room was dark and he shivered suddenly feeling cold and embarrassed. 

 

 

“Shige, are you alright?” It was seriously getting old.

“I... I don’t know.”

“You miss him, don’t you?” Koyama asked quietly.

“I just don’t know what to think anymore. It almost seems like it was all a dream.”

“It wasn’t, you know that. I know it’s hard for you, but I think you should try socializing more. Brooding on your own won’t help you.”

“I know.”

“Just try, ok? I’m sure your friends will understand if you just open up to them.” Koyama smiled at him with such innocent sincerity he could only nod.

 

 

So Shige tried. He went out with that one friend who he thought might be able to understand. The guy spend a few years studying in the US and he seemed very open-minded.

“It’s ok, dude.” The young man said after listening to Shige’s story. 

“You think so?” Maybe Koyama was right after all, maybe people would understand.

“Sure. You know what they say in US? “If it happened in college, it doesn’t count.”” Shige’s smile fell. “It’s actually a good experience. You had all the sex you wanted and nobody got pregnant.” The young man laughed at his own joke. “Your secret’s safe with me, man.” The guy winked at him and all of a sudden Shige felt sick.

 

 

It’s been three months. Koyama assured him it would get better but it didn’t. Shige listlessly watched his perfect grades drop as he couldn’t be bothered going to lectures anymore. He wasn't falling apart. He just felt numb.

The winter break was the worst. With no classes to attend, Shige was struggling to fill all that free time. Koyama went home for the holidays but he decided against it. He knew he wouldn't be able to keep up a facade of normalcy and he really didn't want to have 'the talk' with his parents.

It was nearly Christmas and Shige decided he needed to pull himself together. One night he was trying to clean up the mess that was his desk when he came across a thick envelope. Shige couldn’t remember what it was so he opened it and shook out the contents. He gasped. Lying on his desk was a whole stack of Polaroids. Most of the pictures were of Tegoshi smiling into the camera. But there were some of him and a couple of them together taken by Koyama. Shige laid them all out on the table and silently looked at them for several minutes. Then, for the first time in months, he took his head in his hands and cried.

 

 

Shige never really had much confidence but Tegoshi managed to make him feel better about himself. The man gave out compliments without caring what others might think. Sometimes Shige worried it might give people the wrong idea. It was even harder to shake off those thoughts now when Tegoshi was surrounded by so many handsome athletic guys who shared his passion for sports. Of course, most of them were straight but then he also considered himself as such until he met the younger man.

The phone calls got rare and short. Lately it was Shige who ended the conversation. He hated it but he was even more afraid that one day they would just end up with nothing to talk about so he told himself it was better this way.

 

 

"I don't even know what we are anymore. I don't even know if there's still a "we"." Shige told Koyama as they met for coffee. Outside it was snowing.

"Have you talked to him about it?"

"I can't." Shige sighed. “I have no idea what to say. I don't want to sound like a needy girlfriend."

“You’re not needy, you’re human. There’s nothing wrong with saying how you feel. It's gonna be fine."

"Right." Shige said to reassume Koyama more than anything. "Sorry you have to listen to all of this."

"Shige, don't say that. You're my best friend. Besides, you did the same for me once." Koyama said fondly.

"I just don’t know what to do anymore. Everything seemed so clear when he was around but now I’ve lost sight of it.” Koyama didn’t say anything, just looked at him with an indescribable gentleness. “I’m pathetic, aren’t I?”

“No. You just love him.”

 

 

It’s been a month since he and Tegoshi last talked. Shige tried to call a couple of times but he was redirected to voicemail. It was one afternoon that he overheard a conversation in the locker room. 

"This place sucks, man. They promised us to buy the new equipment but they didn't do shit."

"I know. I bet Tegoshi is having the time of his life while we're rotting here." 

Shige vaguely remembered the young men. They were in Tegoshi's soccer team and he might even introduced them at some point but they didn't seem to recognize or even notice him. He wasn't surprised though, after Tegoshi left it felt like he went back to being invisible.

"Wasn't he supposed to come back next month?" 

"Probably not. I heard he got an offer to stay."

"You gotta be kidding me."

"No, I'm serious, man. I heard it from the coach..."

The sound faded out. Shige felt like he was drowning. 

At this point he wasn't quite sure that he and Tegoshi could fix their relationship, wasn't even sure the other man wanted it but at the very least, he counted on some sort of closure. He pictured them sitting down and talking it out and the worst scenario had them parting as friends. The thought that he could be just get laid off, forgotten, pushed out of the other's man’s life terrified him.

 

Shige spent the night drinking and weeping with Koyama.

"You still haven't talked to him." his friend pointed out carefully.

"I tried. I can't even reach him."

"There has to be a way." Koyama insisted. "Listen, if he really decided to dump you without even bothering to let you know I will take the first plane to Rome and punch that guy."

"Rome's in Italy." Shige laughed. At least some things never changed.

"Anyway, what I'm saying is you can't know anything for sure until you actually talk to him. You have to let him know how you feel."

"You know, you're right."

 

 

Shige's heart was beating fast as he dialed a familiar number. He'd lost hope of having a normal conversation, even over the phone. This was his last resort. 

“Hey. I hope you are doing well. I couldn’t reach you. I just… there's something I need to say to you. I know it probably won't change a thing now but I just need to say it." Shige took a deep breath willing his heart to stop racing. "I should have known from the start that we would never work out. I mean, you will become a famous soccer player and me… I’ll probably end up as a boring college professor. Well, I did tell you that. But… I’m not saying I regret it. You…" Shige's palms were so sweaty he almost dropped the phone." Being with you was probably the craziest and the best decision I ever made. Thank you for everything. And…" Shige took another breath. It felt like for a moment the world stopped. “I love you... I know this isn’t the best way to say this. This is probably pointless but I just had to say it out loud. Take care of yourself. I just... hope you’ll be happy. Well… Goodbye.”

Shige collapsed on the sofa feeling battered. It was done.

 

[](http://imgur.com/pmOt926)


	5. Chapter 5

V

 

It got a little easier after that. Shige actually felt calmer somehow, as if a heavy weight was lifted off his chest. It still hurt but the last thing he wanted was wallow in self-pity.

So he started running. He wasn't a very good runner but it didn't matter. Every morning he would go to the park near the campus and run a few laps. It felt good. Ever since he was a child, Shige like to dramatize the events of his life. Maybe it was because he didn't have that many to begin, with but at some point he began to cherish everything that happened to him, every single episode, good or bad. The park was almost empty at this hour and Shige could imagine he was a hero in an action film. A hero with a broken heart, wounded but still standing, It was masochistic in a way but somehow it helped.

 

 

 

Shige woke up from the sound of an incoming text message. It's been a week but it felt so much longer. Tegoshi never called him back but then he wasn't really expecting it. Shige grabbed the phone from the nightstand and blinked when the light from the screen hit his eyes. The message from Koyama simply read: “Come to the field”. Shige groaned. It was 6 AM. If this was someone else, he’d probably classify this as some stupid prank but Koyama never fooled around so Shige felt a pang of worry.

It was a cold and misty morning and Shige shivered as he walked outside. The field was empty and Koyama was nowhere in sight. However, there was someone standing by the rails. Suddenly, the man turned around as if in slow motion and started running towards him. For a moment, Shige thought it was another one of those dreams he often had. Except it wasn't.

Shige felt his breath knocked out of him as the man jumped into him arms and clung to him. He stumbled a few steps back but managed to steady himself. 

“Yuya?" Shige rehearsed this moment in his head so many times but this was doing nothing to help him now. 

“Sorry. Couldn't help myself.” Tegoshi muttered as his feet were on the ground again. He looked somewhat uneasy as if surprised by his own actions.

"What are you doing here?” 

“I got your message. I came as fast as I could. Sorry I didn’t call. I needed to see you.”

The young man’s hair was platinum blond now, much shorter and swept in a stylish fauxhawk. Shige blinked a few times adjusting to the new image. Tegoshi touched his hair self-consciously.

“You don’t like it?”

“No, just... you look different. Older somehow. But it suits you.” Shige was impressed with his own ability to form coherent sentences. 

“I’m glad.” Tegoshi smiled warmly but his shoulders were stiff. After all, he was dressed way too lightly for this season.

“Oh.” Shige mentally kicked himself. “You’re freezing.”

“It was really hot at the airport and I didn’t think to take some clothes with me. It’s ok.”

“Here.” Shige took off his jacket and put it over the smaller man’s shoulders.

“I... thank you.” Tegoshi bit his lip.

“Come on, let’s go.”

The walk to the apartment was silent. It seemed they both felt that none of the words they needed to share could be trusted to the street. 

 

 

As they stepped inside Tegoshi looked around for a moment. 

"It's all just the way it was," he said smiling. Shige did not reply. 

They took off their shoes and Shige was about to go towards the kitchen to make tea but Tegoshi's voice stopped him in his tracks.

“Are you mad at me?”

“No."

"Why?" Tegoshi always managed to baffle people with his questions. “You should be. I am horrible, I...”

"Look, I'm not, ok? I might have been at some point but not now. Just...” Shige sighed turning to face him. "This is so sudden. It feels like this is just another dream.”

“It’s not. I’m here.” Tegoshi took a step closer but his movements were slow and cautious like those of people who try to approach wild animals.

"Why?" It was Shige's turn to ask. The blond looked hurt and a part of Shige rejoiced. At least he still cared.

"Because I want to," Tegoshi replied regaining his determination. "Your voice mail made me think you'd be happy to see me."

"I am but... I thought it was clear we didn't work out. I'm not even sure if I know you, if I ever knew you."

"What are you talking about?" Tegoshi looked at him with furrowed eyebrows. 

“I thought a lot. I had a lot of time and..." Shige wasn't even sure what he was about to say. Somehow, all of the things he came up with earlier now seemed petty and stupid. "I realized that you never really talked about yourself. There’s just so much I don’t know about you, about your past.”

“I don’t understand why people always want to know these things. Why is that so important? You know me now.” Tegoshi paused. “But if it matters to you I’ll tell you everything.”

There were so many things that Shige wanted to ask but right now there was only one that really mattered. “Just tell me how you feel about me.”

“Ok” Tegoshi nodded. He looked quite nervous and this made Shige ridiculously hopeful.

“You know, when he began seeing each other I didn’t think much of it. I mean I liked you but I always thought romance was overrated.” Tegoshi gave out a humourless laugh. “But being with you made want to believe there’s more to it. It felt like for years I was a free traveler but suddenly I found a place where I wanted to stay. I felt happy but also a little scared. For the first time in my life I felt like maybe living for today is not enough.” Tegoshi smiled fondly. Shige could tell he was choosing his words carefully.

"You know I’m not good at long-term planning. So when I got a scholarship I thought it’s a sign."

"A sign?" Shige asked.

"Yeah. A chance to find out whether what we had was serious. I’m sorry I didn’t call. I... had to make sure. I needed to know what life without you would be like. I didn't mean to hurt you but I needed a perspective. I know that’s selfish but I thought that if this wouldn’t work out it was better to end it there so we could only have good memories.”

“Yuya...” Shige felt overwhelmed by the younger man’s words.

“I thought that maybe you’ll be better off without me. I would forever be your forest sprite. And when you’re old and have grandkids you’ll find the photographs of me and smile.” The blond took a deep breath to calm himself down but his eyes were shining. 

"When I called you'd always say you were ok so I thought I could do this. But even as months passed, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I mean, I felt closer to my dream than ever but still I found myself wondering what you were doing and thinking how much you’d love it there. I missed you like crazy.”

Shige knew the man hated to let anyone see him cry but he was fighting a losing battle and his eyes were now puffed and red. Any grudges Shige may have had vanished without a trace. He stepped closer gently tracing the blond's cheekbone with his thumb but Tegoshi flinched taking a step backward. For a moment, Shige felt a pang of hurt and confusion.

"Just let me finish, ok? I can't think when you're so close to me." The younger man's cheeks were red and he was breathing heavily. Shige understood.

"I know I'm selfish and that I have no right to expect you to forgive me. But I want you in a way I never thought I could. I don't care if we're meant to be or not. I want to come home and tell you about my day and you’ll tell me about yours. And we’ll fight and make up and make out. I am strong. But I’m not as strong as you think. I... What I'm trying to say is... I love you. I love you, Shige." Tegoshi breathed out seemingly exhausted. This time he didn't move when Shige came closer brushing his hair with his fingers. 

“I’m not going to say I can’t live without you because I can." Tegoshi said meeting his eyes. "But I don’t want to.”

It was like the final scene in a classic old movie, Shige thought. Except in the movies, nobody ever has red noses and puffy eyes.

 

They kissed like two men who finally found a spring after days of wandering in the desert. Shige felt like the pieces of his heart that were missing all these months were finally put back into place. 

"Shige..." Tegoshi was tagging on his clothes impatiently.

"Mhhmm?" Shige answered busy sucking on the blond's neck.

"If you're not naked in fifteen seconds you'll need to buy a new set of clothes."

"Ok," Shige answered maneuvering them to the bed. It was the first time he was glad the apartment was tiny. Then they reached the bed and he couldn't think anymore.

 

Clothes were almost ripped off in a struggle to feel skin on skin again. Shige wanted to touch every part of his lover's body, remap and reclaim every inch. Tegoshi was even more eager, clawing at him like a drowning man and pulling him under. 

Their bodies seemed to melt into each other. It was urgent and messy and they nearly fell off the bed in a passionate frenzy so Shige pinned the smaller man down preventing him from moving. It wasn't an act of dominance. More than getting his own release, he wanted to see the face of his lover as he lost himself to the pleasure. Tegoshi whined impatiently. "Shhh" Shige put a finger to the younger man's lips. "Let me."

"Shige..." Tegoshi's deep moan sounded so erotic that Shige stumbled for a moment breaking his rhythm but he composed himself and continued intent on bringing his lover over the edge. It didn't take long. Tegoshi's body convulsed as he came long and hard.

For a while, Shige forgot about his own needs mesmerized by the look of pure pleasure on the young man's face. Then, the soft brown eyes opened and Shige saw they were sparkling with mischief. In a moment he found himself on his back Tegoshi hovering over him with a smirk.

"My turn," was what he said and as he began to crawl back, Shige thought it was so much better than a dream but then his thinking was interrupted in the best possible way.

 

 

 

When Shige woke up the curtains were drawn but he reckoned it must have been around noon. He disentangled himself from his sleeping lover not without effort. The young man looked so peaceful and if it wasn't for the blond hair, he might have thought the last 6 months were just a bad dream. 

Shige winced and then smirked as the warm water washed over the scratches on his arms and back. Putting on sweatpants and a t-shirt he quietly made his way into the kitchen. He almost finished cooking breakfast when he felt arms around his middle and a chin on his shoulder. 

"Morning," The younger man almost purred. He smelled like shampoo and was wearing Shige's white bathrobe. 

"Hey," Shige replied without looking back. "I didn't hear you get up."

"I tried not to ruin the magic. Mmm... this smells so good."

"I thought you'd be hungry so..."

"You are amazing." Tegoshi said kissing him on the cheek but the sweet moment was interrupted as the blond's stomach rumbled audibly. Shige laughed.

"Ok, let's eat. You can praise me later."

 

"Oh, my... I feel like I might cry." Tegoshi closed his eyes in delight making orgasmic faces as he ate. Shige watched him grinning.

"I called Koyama. He might drop by in the evening. Be prepared to get drowned in tears and smothered in motherly love."

"Looking forward to it." The blond smiled warmly. They spent the rest of the meal in comfortable silence and after Tegoshi helped to clean up the table. 

"Now I want my dessert." The blond said leaning back on the counter. Shige couldn't help but notice the bathrobe went a little loose exposing some skin. 

"But I haven't..." Shige began to explain but he didn't get to finish as Tegoshi pulled him closer and his mouth was captured in a kiss. 

“Many guys there tried to make a move on me but I never gave in.” Tegoshi's said as they broke for air, cheeks already pink with arousal.

“So? You want me to encourage you for your loyalty?” Shige asked but his face betrayed how smug he was. 

“Oh, yes. I expect you to encourage me… very hard.” Tegoshi breathed the last part into Shige’s ear and the man had to take a deep breath.

“Don’t do that or I’ll encourage you right here.” Shige said sliding his palm up a strong thigh.

“Oh, I wouldn’t mind.” The blond replied and Shige felt he didn't have a choice.

 

 

"So when are you going back?" Shige asked half an hour later as they lay in bed, limbs entwined. 

"What do you mean?" Tegoshi had his head on Shige's chest embracing his torso.

"I heard it. That you were offered to stay." He really didn't want to bring this up now but it was better to get it out of the way as soon as possible. "It's ok. I'll wait for you as long as it takes." Tegoshi raised his head and looked at him intently for a few moments.

"Shige, I'm not going back."

"What?"

"I'm not going anywhere. I turned it down." Tegoshi said smiling softly.

"Really?"

"Mmhmm," the blond replied burrowing his nose into Shige shoulder.

"Was it because of me?" Shige asked hoping he didn't sound too hopeful.

"There were other reasons but... yes, mostly because of you."

"But what if it wouldn't work out?" Shige felt it was a stupid question as soon as he asked but it was too late. Tegoshi leaned back a little facing him properly before answering.

"I would do everything to make it work. But even if it failed... I already made my decision. You know I'm not good with backup plans." 

"I know. What about the scholarship?”

“I’m good at this. I can make it without that scholarship. Maybe it’ll slow me down a bit but I’ll find a way.”

For a few minutes Shige was silent processing the new information.

"So what are you going to do now?"

"First, I'm planning to have sex with my hot boyfriend until neither of us can move. Then... no I haven't planned this far." Shige laughed. 

“You don’t even look like a forest sprite anymore. You look like a young pretentious J-Leaguer.” 

“Good!” Tegoshi replied. “Then I’m keeping the hair.”

For a while, neither of them said anything.

“I can almost imagine it, you know.” Tegoshi said dreamily. I'll get an MVP and you'll be there in the audience and I'll thank you in my speech...”

“Dreaming big.”

“Yeah. I mean it won't be easy but I’ll do my best to keep you by my side until it happens.”

 

 

It was later, when Shige was helping Tegoshi unpack that he found a big worn out manila envelope. He was about to put it away but suddenly it burst open and dozens of Polaroids covered the floor.

 

[](http://imgur.com/hgy7xk3)

**Concept Art:** [watch after reading the story](http://smg.photobucket.com/user/Swoon/NEWS/Of%20Sprites%20and%20Polaroids/story)


	6. Epilogue

 

“Hurry! We’re gonna be late to the ceremony!” Tegoshi shouted from the hall.

“Just a minute!” Shige shouted back from the bathroom where he was trying to rein his unruly hair.

“If you’ll make yourself look any better than that I’ll have to drag you back to bed and we won’t go anywhere,” Tegoshi warned sticking his head inside. The man’s hair was platinum blond but longer than what it used to be when he came back from Europe.

“Ok.” Shige finally let his hair be and went to the hall to put his shoes on. They both wore black suits and though they were quite different, there was still a certain couple look about them.

“It’s gonna be fine. I promise,” the blond said fixing Shige’s tie even though it was perfect already. His hands were caught and pressed to the taller man’s chest for a moment, then released.

“I know,” Shige replied trying his best to hide his nervousness.

 

 

It was sunny outside and rather windy which made Shige hear some dramatic instrumental soundrack in his head. Despite the lack of time, they walked slowly, savouring the route that would soon become obsolete. At least Shige did, Tegoshi was probably just matching his pace, he never was that sentimental. The walk to the campus was silent.

Guys in suits and girls in hakama were bustling animatedly near the main hall. Some were eyeing the two of them curiously but most were too caught up in the occasion to care. They didn’t stick around much and the ceremony was just about to begin anyway.

They took their seats at the back on the hall. Shige didn’t hear any of the speeches, the sound faded out at some point. His mind was flooded with memories of the past 4 years. There was so much to it. Shige glanced at Tegoshi. The blond looked perfectly calm but he was wondering if he was a little nervous too.

Their decision to come out publicly was something that came naturally but, within the next three years, there were times when Shige couldn’t stop thinking that they could have done it differently, that they could spare themselves and others some pain. Some days he missed the time he was invisible because now he was being watched too much – the judging glances on his back, the look of disappointment on his mother’s face, the cold stare of former friends. 

There were times when it felt they were falling apart, but the further away they got, the stronger they found themselves being pulled back together, as if connected by some invisible thread. 

Shige would never forget that one time they fought and Tegoshi slammed the door on him and ran off into the night. He found him half an hour later in a park kicking a ball viciously against a wall, his face dirty and his knee scraped. After that it was all “Sorry”s and “I love you”s and Tegoshi clinging to him like a lost child.

There was also that time when Tegoshi tore the ligament on his leg and couldn’t play soccer for several months. Doctors told him there was a chance of complication. He was devastated, angry and frustrated and snapping at Shige at every occasion. But eventually it healed and life seemed good again.

Sometimes it felt like they were playing a game they could not win, that they were simply too different but somehow every time they got through it stronger than ever. Sometimes Shige thought it would be much easier for both of them if they were apart but last night, when they made love silently and reverently he knew it was all worth it.

Suddenly, Tegoshi took his hand without looking his way. Shige realized that the speeches were over and now diplomas were awarded.

Tegoshi’s group came first. Shige watched mesmerized as the man gracefully stood up and made his way down the aisle. He walked with confidence and had his head raised high. Seeing him now, Shige imagined that he never knew the man, that he was just one person in the audience and was instantly overwhelmed by a lonely feeling.

“You alright?” Tegoshi asked as he took his seat.

Shige nodded.

“Kato Shigeaki!”

Finally hearing his name being called, Shige stood up with much less grace than he was hoping for and went to the stage. Everything seemed blurred as if in a dream. People were staring at him as he walked back to his seat and it took a while for him to realize that he was crying. When he sat back down, Tegoshi leaned over wiping his tears with his thumb. He was smiling gently. At this point Shige didn’t care if people were looking. He just wanted this to be over.

 

 

After the ceremony they were standing outside the hall taking in the bright scenery of young guys and girls who were about to enter the adult world. There were many couples among them, smiling to each other and holding hands bashfully in a rare public display of affection.

“You know, though, you’re probably the only couple that made it through the whole course.” Shige turned around to see one of the graduates in an old-fashioned dark grey suit. He didn’t really know the guy, just saw him around the campus a few times. The boy looked nervous looking around as if he worried somebody would see him talking to them.

“I just wanted to say… good luck.” The boy finally said and quickly walked away. Tegoshi smirked. 

There still was time before meeting Koyama and the others and they haven’t really decided what to do with it but they didn’t feel like hanging out here either.

“What’s with you today?” Tegoshi asked as they slowly began to walk away from the building. But he didn’t sound annoyed, more like amused.

“I’m sorry,” was all Shige could say.

“That’s no good. Today is supposed to be fun. Come on!” Tegoshi said and grabbed his arm.

 

 

Shige wasn’t sure where they were going but he was used to it by now. Soon they came to a big mall. Shige hesitated but he allowed himself to be pulled in anyway. Inside, they looked around surprised to find the mall was nearly deserted. Tegoshi instantly claimed he was hungry so they went through the food stalls getting snacks at several of them. All the vendors smiled at them patronizingly and Shige realized today was one of those days they didn’t have to be too careful. Today to everyone they were just two excited graduates so nobody would look twice even as Tegoshi clung to him and flirted.

They were walking along the string of expensive shops discussing the purchase of things they could never afford when suddenly Tegoshi stopped in front of a Photobooth. 

“What? You don’t wanna go in, do you?” Shige said frowning.

“I do. Come on! It’ll be fun!” Tegoshi beamed at him and Shige’s resolve cracked.

“Fine. But I want normal pictures. None of that hearts and bows stuff.”

“Shige, that’s so boring,” Tegoshi said but then laughed as Shige made a disgruntled face. “Alright, alright, just don’t pout.”

They posed for the camera with brilliant smiles on their faces. When the pictures were done, Shige was about to leave the booth but Tegoshi pulled him by the tie and planted a brief but firm kiss on his lips. Then he let go and walked out leaving Shige standing there for a few moments dazzled. He had to wonder if the effect the man had on him would ever wear off.

After getting out of the booth, they brought ice-cream at a fancy Italian stall. Tegoshi picked vanilla and strawberry while Shige went for his usual green tea flavour. They went to sit at the big fountain in the center. It was cool and quiet, the only sound being the soft murmur of the water in the fountain. 

“We should go soon,” Shige said but neither of them made any attempt to move. For a few minutes they sat in silence.

“Time flies so fast,” Shige said finally. “I can’t believe it’s over”.

“What do you mean?” Tegoshi replied with a warm smile and Shige felt a small hand on his “It’s just the beginning.”

 

[](http://imgur.com/1tCxV83)


End file.
